never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
