Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
