Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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