I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
