I can text with my tongue
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
