Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
