with your own penis?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Lo siento on account of my penis...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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