considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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