Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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