Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
