Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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