help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
