oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
