I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
