i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
