you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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