I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if only i could text you this smell
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You ruined the universe
Randomize
