Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
