I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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