She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
