Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
