Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Actions speak louder than pants.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
