Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
