So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
