The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Even my vagina gasped.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
