But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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