Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize