I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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