So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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