i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
