I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
