Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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