3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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