I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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