She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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