I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize