Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
