Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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