he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
