I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
