Quick, to the slutcave!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
