The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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