dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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