Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
