he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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