ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize