i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
