ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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