Yo dont text me then not text me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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