You really coming over, don't trick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
