We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
