Where are you?
In a non slutty way
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
