I want to have your abortion
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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