Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
birth control should be required to get into college
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
3 2 1 whiskey
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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