Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
