I puked a lego.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
