I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
