it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let's get the cat blown out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
