my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
