Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
