Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
