Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
