Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
