Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
