Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
