i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
