I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
