I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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