You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.