tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.