Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.