Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dating After Heartbreak
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.