I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
