I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
