hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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