Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
