I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
