Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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