im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
